“Trusted go-tos for times when relationships, both romantic and platonic, go differently than we’d hoped.”
Heartbreak is the most universal feeling there is. Even so, it’s easy to feel totally isolated in the midst of a breakup: like no one could possibly have insight on your feelings of loss, or provide guidance on how to get through them. In times like these, a reliable piece of literature can have the power to bring perspective and healing.
Exquisite Pain by Sophie Calle
Recommended by julia corsaro
Described by Julia Corsaro as “the best book ever made to get through a breakup,” Exquisite Pain is the end result of artist Sophie Calle’s repetitive examination of her own broken relationship alongside stories she recorded from strangers detailing the worst days of their lives. It’s out of print, but sometimes used copies pop up for sale online, and you may be able to find a copy through your library’s art book collection—it’s worth the hunt.
I Love Dick by Chris Kraus
Recommended by julia corsaro
Part fiction and part memoir, Chris Kraus writes of her infatuation with her husband’s colleague and how that obsession becomes a part of her marriage. I Love Dick is considered a masterwork of both art world commentary and feminist literature, and according to Julia, the novel “was also good for understanding some patterns in male/patriarchal behaviour.”
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“Queeries: How do I get over a friendship breakup?” by Aisha Mirza
Recommended by annika hansteen-izora
For non-romantic breakups, this piece from gal--dem, a publication focused on “sharing perspectives from people of colour of marginalised genders,” explores the ways that friendship breakups can be harder to go through than romantic ones, and how “the nuclear family is a cis-het scam which leaves queer people particularly vulnerable after friendship breakups.”
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Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig
Recommended by gisue hariri
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance is equal parts summer road trip epic and philosophical deep dive. Architect Gisue Hariri finds the book moving in how it conveys the idea that “we won't get to the truth about life through pursuing answers through the rational mind only.” She expands: “We look for a rational explanation for everything, but in the end we find that both science and philosophy are just maps of the truth.”
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“Dear Sugar #77: The Truth That Lives There” by Cheryl Strayed
Recommended by rian fossett
Cheryl Strayed responds to the relationship woes and doubts of five different readers, leaving those struggling with dying relationships with the advice to “Go… Because wanting to leave is enough.”
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The Lonely City: Adventures in the Art of Being Alone by Olivia Laing
Recommended by beverly nguyen
There’s an art to loneliness. Laing’s time as an expert on the topic began when she moved to New York City to live with her partner, only for that relationship to collapse. The Lonely City examines the experience of being alone on a personal level, and the ways loneliness exists within art theory and history.
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“Just Friends? Let Me Read Between the Lines” by Steve Friedman
Recommended by trelawny davis
“Just Friends? Let Me Read Between the Lines” was the first essay ever published in the famed New York Times Modern Love column, full of plenty more breakup pieces. An essay Trelawny Davis comes back to often, it tells the story of a man agonizing over his ex while scrambling to stay connected to her after being dumped.
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A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara
Recommended by trelawny davis
Renowned for how upsetting of a read it can be, A Little Life focuses on the relationships of four New York creatives over the course of several decades, and the countless traumas that amount in that time. “Quite literally the world's most depressing book, but if you can get through that, you can get through any breakup,” says Trelawny.
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A Lover's Discourse: Fragments by Roland Barthes
Recommended by melissa flashman
A list of “fragments” made up of literary references and the author’s own philosophies, this book explores what it means to love and be loved, to yearn for another and to lose another’s love.
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Other recommendations include The Heart Goes Last by Margaret Atwood (as recommended by Vere Van Gool), Women Who Run With the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés (as recommended by Rian Fossett), Missing Out: In Praise of the Unlived Life by Adam Phillips (as recommended by Beverly Nguyen), and “Mystic” by Sylvia Plath (as recommended by Beverly Nguyen).
Words by Sarah Goldman