You’re most likely to spot nurse Maria Gonzalez out on her weekly Friday night date with her husband, sipping a Wheelhouse wine or a margarita from a favorite spot in Astoria, otherwise she’s likely busy whipping up a handful of new recipes between all-night shifts in the ER, making dinner for her family or cupcakes for coworkers. We had the chance to speak with Maria about her nearly-50-year-long career in nursing, her discerning tastes in fashion and filets, her eye-opening philosophies of life informed by working so close to death, and more.
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on her morning routine
I get home from work around 7:30 in the morning, I always wash my face and take a shower. I love Tatcha products, I do the cleansing and moisturizing cream, then usually have a little breakfast. I have to watch the Today Show, I'm obsessed with it. I have to find out what's going on — new recipes, what Hoda [Kotb] is doing, what's happening in the world. Then I go to sleep, and I usually get up at four in the afternoon and make dinner. People at work think I’m crazy, they say, “How can you make dinner before coming to work?” But I make dinner every night. Usually, I have to leave the house at 6:30, get to work at 7:30, and don't get out until 7:30 in the morning.
on her path from singing to the ER
I always loved music. I took singing lessons when I was about 16 or 17. At that time, I was going out with my husband, and I kept on saying, “This is kind of crazy, the idea of becoming a singer. How am I going to do this?” But he was very encouraging, he said, “I really think you should go for it.” Tina Turner's my idol. I will always love Tina, forever. I started writing my own rock songs. Then, my husband and I went to Jamaica on a trip, and all of a sudden, I realized I loved reggae (and he did, too!). So I said, “How about if I fuse the genres?” The musicians I worked with were wonderful, they were able to fuse the rock and the reggae together. We did a lot of recordings in Jamaica, in Kingston. There was no TikTok, no Instagram, none of that, so it was just me with my cassettes, because that's what was available at that time, knocking on the doors of all these record companies and begging, “Please listen to my cassette!” That's just what I had to do.
One day, a record exec listened to my music and said, “Your voice is different. Your look is different.” It felt like a possibility, but at the end they backed down. I kept on going back, trying to get my music out there, but eventually, I decided to become a nurse, because I love people, and I love helping people. I was still doing my music — I thought, “My music is gonna work out. It's definitely going to. I'm going to be a rock-and-roll star. I'm just doing the nurse thing as a backup.”
I started working the night shift at St. Vincent's Hospital, which was in Greenwich Village. I was in the surgical intensive care unit and level one trauma. It was intense, but at the same time, I loved my job — but I really wanted to do my music. One of the doctors from the anesthesia department also loved music, so he and I connected, and we started making all of these songs. We played in little bars in Greenwich Village, and some of the songs were the ones I wrote, but it wasn't going anywhere. We tried to get a contract and went back to knocking on people's doors, but then I started really loving being a nurse and said, “No, I think this is me.”
““I swear, after we die, there is something out there. I saw so many patients dying, and every single time, they would see their mother or their father or their brother or their sister, someone who would have a whole conversation with them — We were like, ‘What are they talking about? They’re losing it,’ but they would have this full conversation, like the person was there. Is there a heaven? Is there reincarnation? I don’t know. There is something there, but I don’t know what it is.””
on her decades of nursing
Unfortunately, I think we as a society are going backward in time — who would have ever thought that the right to abortion would be threatened? It makes me furious that we’re not more accepting. I feel bad mainly for my daughters, the young generation. We can’t sit still and let it happen. We have to unite as women and fight back. Back then, in the 80s…Maybe things were better. But I saw a lot also, I worked as a nurse through the AIDS pandemic, in Greenwich Village, right in the middle of everything. We didn't know what AIDS was, and we watched all of these young guys dying — It was terrible. We were all so scared. Later on we knew it was Kaposi's sarcoma, but at the time, all we saw were these purple marks all over, eating at their skin. We were in N95 masks, gowns, gloves, everything, because back then we didn't know how AIDS was transmitted. Of course, later on, we learned that it wasn't through skin contact or airborne droplets, it was through blood. A lot of my friends, doctors at work, got cut in the operating room with the scalpel from AIDS patients, nurses got stuck with needles from AIDS patients. Fortunately, none of my friends were infected.
on her experience with covid
I never got COVID, probably because I had the vaccine. I had a lot of antibodies from the vaccine, the doctors did my labs and my antibodies were through the roof. There was a huge difference at work before the vaccine versus after. We get COVID patients all the time now, it's still here, but it's like having a bad cold or having the flu, the patients get better, they do fine. But before the vaccine, most of them were dying. They couldn't breathe. A lot of my young friends, nurses, have had cardiac problems, they develop murmurs. One of my friends is only in his 20s, he was out for months. He was so healthy, and then he would walk a couple of blocks, his heart rate would raise and he would be short of breath. There are so many of my friends who have had residual respiratory problems. At the beginning COVID was the scariest thing ever. I was afraid that something was gonna happen to me, but more than that, I was afraid I was gonna bring something to my husband, because he had his heart all patched up, we have to keep him safe even now so that he doesn't get sick. Any little thing could be detrimental to him.
““Patients will say ‘What do I do? I have to have chemo, I have to have radiation.’ They tell me about a six month life expectancy. I say, ‘Forget it. Forget those six months. Today, today. Just enjoy today.’ Sometimes we get so wrapped up in what’s going on, you’re gonna take a trip, we’re gonna get married...You get to be so preoccupied with what’s going to happen six months from now that you never get to live today. My mind is always on today. Today, I’m talking to you. Today’s Friday, so I’m getting my margaritas tonight! What the hell is today? Tomorrow? The next day? Why are you thinking about Tuesday? It hasn’t happened yet.””
on reckoning with mortality
Through my work, I’ve learned that you have to really value life. When you're young, especially, you think nothing can happen to you, you're just gonna live forever. Six years ago, my husband woke up in the morning with chest pain, and he went, “I had an awful weekend. I didn’t want to tell you,” and I said, “We have to go to the hospital, you have to get an EKG to make sure you aren’t having a heart attack.” He was like, “No, no, no, you're working tonight. Don't worry about it.” But I told him we had to make sure, so we got an Uber and we went to the hospital. Then they did all these tests and said “No, he didn't have a heart attack. He doesn't have pneumonia. His X-ray is fine. His blood work is fine. We're going to be discharging you soon.” My husband, “You see, Maria, you made me feel crazy! Nothing's wrong with me.” But I knew something was up. We have a doctor friend who used to work with St. Vincent's that we go for monthly checkups, I texted him and said, “Hey, we're downstairs, can you come and see my husband?” He came down, looked at him, and said “Something's wrong. He can't be discharged.”
My husband refused to go on a stretcher, like, “Don't be ridiculous. I'm walking to the CAT scan.” They found out that he was having an aortic dissection and he only had a couple of hours to live. When he got out of the CAT scan, my friend came down and said, “Maria, you have to be very brave, we’ve got to go to the operating room immediately. We don't have time.” Being a trauma nurse and surgical ICU nurse at that time, I was like, “What are you talking about?” The surgeon came to me and said, “Look, I just wanted to let you know, there is little chance he's gonna make it,” and I said, “Well, there is a little chance, right? Let's go for it.” He said, “Let's go for it. I like your attitude.” And my husband made it. It was a miracle. I valued my life before, now I value my life even more. In just in a couple of hours, like my life could have changed, completely. I could have lost him. He's doing great now. He always says to me, “You gotta enjoy your life,” and he always believes it.
““I come home, I talk to my husband about work sometimes. I’ve been a nurse for 44 years, and it still affects me, but I come home and I value my day so much more. There are some times I’m upset about something or I’m mad about something that wasn’t done and then I’m there for a couple of hours, and I’m like, ‘I’m fine. Everything is great. Oh my God, thank God that I’m okay. My family is okay.’ You really get to value your life.””
on starting a family
I was childhood friends with my husband’s sister. He and I went to high school together and got to be friends, started dating when I was 15, and got married when I was 19. Before he proposed, we were thinking that we would definitely be getting married and spending our life together even though he was three years older than me. At that time, people were getting married at 19 and 20. But what we did differently was we didn't have kids right away. I had Tara at 32 and Nicole at 37. Everybody was asking us, “What's going on?” They didn't want to ask straight out, “Are you having fertility problems?” Which we weren't. I was going to school to become a nurse, then he went to law school, and then we traveled. We used to go to every Broadway play and every restaurant in Manhattan — we had such a good time. I shopped at Bloomingdale's a lot, it’s still my favorite store!
Finally, when we got into our 30s, we were ready for the next chapter. Pretty much all of our friends had kids in their 20s, because people did not have their kids in their 30s back then. For us, it worked out, and I think it's the best thing to do. A lot of times, couples haven't connected when they have their kids right away. You never really get to have that tight connection with your spouse, and having kids is very stressful. I love my two girls, I would not give them up for anything in the world, they’re best thing in my life…But it's stressful. It's a forever commitment. Their problems become your problems. Their joys become your joys, which is wonderful, but their bad moments become your bad moments. It was nice that my husband and I got to spend a lot of time together before that, we got to enjoy each other, we had so much fun.
Tara is a Senior Fashion Editor at Harper’s Bazaar and a talented writer with an incredible sense of style. Whenever I see the looks she has put together and styles, I say to myself, “That’s my girl!” Nicole is a brilliant early childhood educator with great passion and caring for children. Teachers are so important, yet they are under-appreciated and undervalued. When I visited her classroom to decorate cookies with the children, she ended her day with them sitting in a circle and had them give shout-outs to each other. When I learned that she does this every day just before dismissal, I thought again, “That’s my girl!”
““I think fashion is really important. A lot of people think it’s very superficial, but I don’t think so. I think if you wear something that you like, and you feel great in it, it makes you happy. If you’re not happy, no one else is going to be happy. Your spouse is not going to be happy. Your kids are not going to be happy, your patients in the hospital are not going to be happy.””
on leaving part of her heart in Spain
My father was a Merchant Marine, we didn't get to see him very often because he was all over the world. In order to get this retirement plan, he would have to live in the United States for I forget how many years. He asked my mom and my sister and I, “Why don't you come to the United States?” His brother was living here, in New York. “The girls can learn English, and it'll be fun. It'll be something new.” We always planned to go back to Spain, but then I met my husband at 15. We got married and then we got used to it here — I guess we're staying here!
Half of me is Spain. We go to Spain every single year. My mom has an apartment that's only, like, a block away from the beach in Cádiz, which is very close to Seville, in the south of Spain. I love the ocean. I can get lost staring at the ocean, and forget about everything. It was great that I got to expose my daughters not only to a second language, but also to a different culture. I'm not saying it's better or worse, It's just different. It's very relaxing. Nobody worries. You go to a restaurant, and if you wait an hour, you wait an hour. People don't get stressed out. Every single day, you go out after you come back from work. There's not one day that you don't go meet your friends at a cafe and have a little coffee or a little cocktail. You feel the stress when you get back to JFK airport, the stress of people trying to run you over.
on her life outside of the hospital
When I go to work, it's 100% of me, trying to give the best care that I can give. I care so much for these patients and their families. When I leave work, I come home and I look at my flowers — flowers make me happy, I always have to have fresh flowers from my garden. I'm always picking new recipes to try. Tieghan from Half Baked Harvest is my queen. I absolutely love her. I make her recipes two, three times a week. I even messaged her on Instagram when I made her croissant recipe, and she messaged me back to help. That made me love her even more. Baking makes me happy. I'm always making cookies and other baked goods and giving them out to friends at work. When it's someone's birthday, I try to make them cupcakes. If we have a bad day at work, I make cupcakes to cheer us up.
on her favorite reads
I love cookbooks. Half Baked Harvest’s is probably my favorite, I also like Zoe Bakes and Smitten Kitchen. I love trying new recipes. Last year when I went to Spain, I said, I'm going to try, really try to read a book. I was watching the Today Show, and they were talking about this book, The Measure, by Nikki Erlick. I read it all the way to the end. It is the only book that I’ve read to the end, which shocked both me and my husband! The premise is: What would happen if one day you woke up and outside your door, there was a little box, and in that little box, there was a string — would you open it, or not? If you do, a short string means you're gonna die soon. If it's a long string, you're gonna live a long life. The book has all these different relationships, there's a relationship with a doctor there that works in an emergency room, and the book explores how those relationships are affected. My husband and I talked about it, and I said, “If this was true, would you open the box?” He said, “Of course I would.” I said no. What would you do in your relationship if one of you has opened the box and the other didn't? If you knew you were going to die, what would you do, and if you're going to live a long life but your partner won’t, what would you do? I was there, in Spain, by the ocean, and my mind just went wild thinking about the possibilities.
on her personal style
I have always loved fashion. Vogue was my favorite magazine. Now it’s Harper's Bazaar, because Tara works there, but back then I would cut out all of these dresses or blouses that I liked out of the pages of Vogue. I found this woman in Brooklyn, she was amazing. I would say to her, “Okay, I want these sleeves. But I want these buttons.” I'd find the buttons, find the materials, and she would make me these amazing outfits. I like lace a lot, and I've always liked ruffles — they remind me of Spain because of the flamenco dresses. Black is probably my favorite color. I feel like there's a mystery to you when you wear black. I don’t gravitate towards specific brands. Sometimes I'll go to Bloomingdale's or a little vintage store, and I’ll see something and say, “Oh, this is me,” no brand in particular. At work, they’re like, “Oh my god, you always have a new bag.” I love bags. My daughters and husband give me pocketbooks for every occasion.
maria’s favorite spots in ny
My husband and I love to go to Montauk, and at Gurney’s, you feel like a queen. It is by the ocean again — I'm an ocean person! The restaurant Sel Rrose is unbelievable. Sometimes we stay there for a day or two. My favorite restaurant is Bad Roman, here in the city. I'm very, very picky with restaurants because I am a good cook. My kids and my husband sometimes hate to go out with me because I'll be like, “it was a little overdone.” “The presentation wasn’t there.” Blah, blah, blah, and they're like, “Oh my God, You're impossible.” I have to say, I went to Bad Roman, and I absolutely love everything there. Start with cacio y pepe ravioli melting all over a filet mignon, and finish with shots on top of a little race car so you can cheer each other on — it’s phenomenal! Of course, I love Mojave for my margaritas, Martha's Bakery, and this Greek restaurant, Kyclades — Astoria is a great place.
interview and images by clémence polès, edited by em seely-katz