Good, thoughtful sex education has been central to Dr. Sara C. Flowers’ mission over a decades-long career that fatefully began at age 16. Her passion for listening to her community and guiding people to develop skills that last a lifetime have led her through numerous degrees to her current dream role as the Vice President of Education & Training at Planned Parenthood Federation of America. In this interview, she lets us into her Fort Greene home to tell us all about the importance of chosen family, how to raise children who value consent, and where in the neighborhood you can catch her drinking an Orange Manhattan.
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on her morning routine
I have never been a morning person—I always hit the snooze button. My ideal routine would be a leisurely wake-up with at least two cups of delicious, strong coffee. Unfortunately, I often rouse myself out of bed and jump straight into the shower before walking my 4th grader to school with our dog Tux. When I get back, I feed the dog, make coffee and maybe breakfast. My go-to’s are either plain yogurt with fresh berries, honey, and Colson Patisserie maple granola (the best!) or egg tacos with avocado and salsa verde. Then, I sip my coffee as I dial into my first Google Meets conversation with colleagues.
on her upbringing in spring valley, new york
I came of age in the 80s and 90s in a suburb about 45 minutes northwest of New York City. I lived with my parents, younger brother, chosen older sister, and two pets: a goldfish (Miss Piggy) and cocker spaniel (Snuggles). My parents were both educators. Many of my childhood memories include lots of family friends and friends-turned-family. Most Sundays after church and on holidays, we would get together and potluck, laugh, swim, cookout, dance, play cards, the works. I worked as soon as I was old enough to babysit, which taught me how important it is for young people to learn how to be accountable to folks beyond their immediate family. I feel so lucky to have had so many other caring adults in my corner growing up.
““I got my start in the field of sex education in 1995 as a sophomore in high school. A neighbor of mine, a graduating senior, had started what we called AIDS Awareness Day in honor of his uncle, who had passed away from an AIDS-related illness. Not wanting this program to end when he went to college, he asked me if I’d be interested in learning how to run the program. I said yes, and unbeknownst to me, so began my career!””
on her education and career trajectory
In my undergrad at The George Washington University, I didn't know you could study sex ed, so I picked what I thought was the next best thing: psychology. When I was trying to figure out my next steps post-graduation, a trusted professor directed me to the School of Public Health, where I then enrolled in the Master's program. There, I learned so much more about community health interventions, meeting folks where they are, and program planning, implementation, and evaluation. Over time, I relocated to New York City, where I ran a youth HIV prevention and sex education program and earned my doctorate in public health. Becoming the vice president of education at PPFA was a dream come true! The first sentence of my application for my doctoral program read: "I want to change the way sex education is taught in this country," and I'm grateful to be working towards this goal with a fabulous team and colleagues across the country.
on sex education misconceptions
In a nutshell, I think people have a narrow view of what sex is and a loose understanding of what education can and should do. Sex education integrates learning and identity in a way that centers people and communities. Sex and sexuality are fluid, individualized, and inherent parts of every single person's humanity. And they show up differently and uniquely in each one of us.
The skills learned from sex education shape healthy relationships and support our ability to navigate health care systems and institutions through our lifetimes. The knowledge, skills, safety, and affirmation that sex education offers people of all ages is liberating. There is power in understanding the physical, emotional, and intimate parts of ourselves, our partners, and our friends.
““Although more than 20 years have passed, I still love this work. Sex education centers and honors the complexity of people and the lives they lead. To push sex education forward, we need to stay in tune with the people we are committed to educating—we must actively listen to what they say they need, and we need to do it in a way that uplifts all the parts that make up the fabric of our humanity.””
on how to teach kids about consent
Like all sex education, consent is taught in building blocks and can be learned through lessons at home. For example, part of being a parent is respecting our children's boundaries and accepting a "no" whenever we can. In turn, children learn how to establish and enforce their own boundaries and respect the boundaries of others.
For tangible advice on supporting sex ed for your kid, there’s a great resource on the Planned Parenthood website. You can also direct young people to sources like our sex education chatbot, Roo, YouTube videos that model health communication about consent and safer sex and STIs, and our free period and birth control tracker app, Spot On.
on unwinding
To unwind when I’m super stressed, I hop on my Peloton bike and have a good laugh as Robin Arzón takes trips down memory lane during her 80s and 90s rides. My other regular relaxation technique is a long, hot bath. I have a deep tub, so the water comes up to my chin. I light one of Burnin’ For You’s candles, read, mindlessly scroll social media, sip wine, play music, and just let the day wash off.
on who she looks up to
My husband's mother has been an unexpected gift in my life. (I call her Millie — a nickname we made up because mothers-in-law typically get a bad rap.) I feel so lucky to have "gotten" her and Mr. Flowers (my husband George's dad) in the deal.
on what she’s reading
Mikki Kendall’s Hood Feminism blew me away. I’m really enjoying digging into Somebody’s Daughter by Ashley C. Ford, The Secret Lives of Church Ladies by Deesha Philyaw, and Seven Days in June by Tia Williams. Another fave is Picking Up by Robin Nagle, an incredible non-fiction account of the history and practice of the New York City Sanitation Workers. Fascinating!
““It’s funny—my own kid doesn’t ask the basic questions many kids her age might. By nature of her being my kid, she is inundated with teachable moments and conversations. Ever since she was very young, we’ve talked about the correct names of all body parts and what they do, relationships, consent, sex, and intimacy in developmentally appropriate ways. I distinctly remember one time when one of her friends used a euphemism for their “middle parts” (another, more current way of referring to one’s genitalia, which I learned from Sex Is A Funny Word, by Cory Silverberg). She was shocked that they used a silly name and then proceeded to educate them about the correct body part name!””
on her style
I love to Rent the Runway! Honestly, I love clothes and shopping, but clearly, the pandemic put a damper on that. Rent the Runway allowed me to continue to have fun with trying new styles and pieces and find joy in the grind of getting dressed, even if it was just to sit at my desk at home. I’m loving all four of the pieces I have at home right now: Cinq A Sept Sequin Marta Skirt, Nanushka Arlo Denim Jumpsuit, Sweet Baby Jamie Red Floral Boho Dress, and La Vie Rebecca Taylor Peonies Jumpsuit.
on her hair routine
When I find products that make my curls pop without being too sticky or crunchy, I hold onto them! Kinky Curly Knot Today Leave-In Conditioner is amazing. It has the perfect amount of slip and doesn’t leave build-up in my hair. I use Miss Jessie’s Quick Curls to style my hair while it’s wet. For my birthday last year, my family gave me a Dyson hairdryer (fancy!), and when I have time and really want volume, I use the diffuser attachment.
on how she spends her free time
I am a working parent in a pandemic. I feel incredibly lucky to be a part of a community of girlfriends in a similar position in life — managing (fulfilling yet demanding) careers while also parenting kids who all happen to be around the same age. We spend a lot of our weekends together—often with a gaggle of kids in tow—at the beach, in one another's backyards, or adventuring around NYC's playgrounds, zoos, ice-skating rinks, and aquarium.
sara’s favorite spots in new york
My favorite neighborhood watering hole is Walter's, where my favorite cocktail is the Orange Manhattan. Pre-pandemic, you could find me at the bar with a caesar salad, the artichoke dip, or a cheeseburger. I get takeout from Black Iris, where everything's fresh! For celebrating, cherished spots are L'Antagoniste (where I celebrated with friends and chosen family after defending my dissertation) and ABC Kitchen (where my husband George and I toasted with champagne and crab toast when I was offered my role at PPFA). For wine, women and Black-owned shops and vintners like Tipsy, and Maison Noir. [Salon] 718 has taken the best care of my hair for nine years! Gardel, of Gardel’s Garden and Clement, the Bed Stuy Garden Guy, help me keep my plant babies thriving!
images by clémence polès, interview by marina sulmona