A very recent recipient of an MBA with a focus on leadership from Columbia Business School, Connie Gao earned her degree while working full-time as Book of the Month's Marketing Director. Though her career and academic life are both — alone and together — amply impressive, she still makes time to enjoy life's pleasures. A big fan of the Chelsea Market (and self-proclaimed "huge foodie"), Connie's often spotted perusing its boutiques on her way to "buy fresh seafood from The Lobster Place." In this interview, she describes the challenges she faced as a teen who grew up in China and landed at prep school in Connecticut, the qualities that make an excellent leader, and how her relationship with her mom has evolved over the years.
♫ Listen to connie’s playlist | ⌨ connie’s last google search
on her morning routine
I am a huge snoozer despite better efforts, so I've boiled my morning routine down to the bare minimum to sleep until the very last second. Typically, that means showering, doing my makeup in less than 10 minutes, making a simple breakfast like a yogurt bowl or an avocado toast, and getting dressed before heading to work or Pilates.
on her upbringing
I grew up in China and came to the U.S. when I was 14 to attend prep school in Connecticut. My parents really valued education and wanted the best for me. They liked that Taft, the school I went to, offered a liberal arts education that promoted critical thinking as opposed to many schools in China that focused more on memorization and hard sciences to prepare students for standardized tests.
It was definitely an interesting experience. I learned English in school in China but had never been in an English-speaking environment. Taft didn't offer any ESL classes, so English and History classes were especially difficult. I struggled to understand the teachers and looked up every other word in the readings.
My social life took a dive too. I was super active at my school in China, heading up school initiatives and participating in many extracurricular activities. As you can probably imagine, not understanding any slang or pop culture references at a preppy high school in Connecticut did not make me popular. But who isn't awkward in high school? In the end, I was glad that I got thrown into that environment. I learned that challenges can be overcome and that there are creative ways to solve problems faster — this impacted my college experience and career positively.
““Having had really amazing and really terrible leaders, I came to understand the significant and systematic impact of leadership, both on a business and on the well-being of employees. I wanted to make sure that I make a positive impact on the company I work at and the people I work with — candidly, I didn’t want to be the reason anyone goes to therapy. Business school seemed like a good opportunity to get a holistic understanding of how businesses operate and what makes them successful.””
on getting her first career opportunity while in college
In college, I majored in economics but was also fascinated by psychology. When I was planning my career, marketing made sense because it was the perfect combination of the two. My parents were super supportive of me choosing a career in an industry I loved, and I really loved fashion at the time — I had met someone who worked in the industry through a family friend, so I reached out to him for advice sophomore year. He connected me to someone who worked at Lanvin in Paris when they were expanding their online communications team, and they accepted my application to be an intern there. That was how I kicked off my fashion career.
on the hiring process for her current role
When I was transitioning out of fashion, I wanted to go to a small company that embraced innovation and prioritized sustainable growth. Book of The Month was exactly that. I was a member before I applied! Three years ago, I was scrolling on LinkedIn and saw a VP of Marketing job — while I was not qualified for that particular posting, I was intrigued. BOTM helped me get back into reading, and I was always so excited at the beginning of the month to discover those new books. I thought the curation aspect was really smart and added a lot of value to members, and that the subscription business model was interesting. So I clicked on the company’s careers page and found a marketing job at the manager level and applied to that.
The hiring process was extensive — aside from interviews, I also did a two-part project and presentation to showcase my skills and work style. Throughout, I got a clear idea of what was important to the company, what it would be like to work here, what type of feedback I would receive. I joined as the CRM & Lifecycle Marketing Manager in 2019 and have since taken on many additional responsibilities and built up a full marketing team.
on balancing a full-time job with studying for a master’s degree
Going to school on top of a full-time job was extremely intense. Between learning about bonds at 8:30am on a Saturday or doing accounting homework at 11pm on a Tuesday, I definitely thought, "why did I do this to myself." However, this experience taught me a lot, like how to prioritize and delegate, because I literally didn’t have enough hours in the day to accomplish everything myself. This was hard for an overachiever and perfectionist like me and required some soul searching.
In school, we reflected on what values are most important to us and I determined mine to be leaving a positive impact and building meaningful relationships. When projects, events, or other tasks conflict with my time, I actively consider how much they contribute to those goals, how long they take, and who else can do it. Having an extremely understanding team and supportive friends made this time much easier and more enjoyable.
on what makes a good leader and advice for future marketing directors
Hone your problem-solving skills! Knowing how to identify the root of a problem and leverage your resources to solve it is the best way to succeed. A good leader is firm and decisive, but also flexible and knows when to let others make the decision. A good leader is visionary and thinks about the big picture, but can also get in the weeds and be realistic about executions. To paraphrase one of my professors, a good leader must be “everything and the exact opposite” (thank you, Professor Hitendra Wadhwa).
Learning to do that can be extremely overwhelming, but the best thing you can do as a leader is develop your perspective-taking abilities — that’s the ability to understand other people's perspectives, interests, needs, and rationales. I think a good leader must also have empathy — life is hard, and a little understanding and warmth is the minimum we should give.
““A few months ago, I saw a woman on the subway who was probably in her 70s. She had a very simple but elegant outfit, her hair was up, and her mask matched her nail polish and her shoes. Among a sea of distracted or anxious people on the subway, she provided such a calming presence. I was curious about where she was going, what she was going to do, or who she was going to see.””
on what she’s reading and her favorite books
I typically put my phone away an hour or so before I go to sleep to read before bed. However, I have definitely (and not infrequently) fallen prey to the "I'll just read one more chapter, and suddenly it's 2am" situation…
I just finished True Biz by Sara Nović and loved it! Set at a school for the deaf, it was both a beautiful coming-of-age story of a deaf girl grappling with her identity and an ode to the deaf community that educates readers about its culture and history. Generally, I love books that prompt me to think, teach me something, or highlight a perspective or an issue different from my own.
Favorites are: The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo — underneath the glamor of Hollywood, a starlet with ruthless ambition overcomes heartbreak, prejudice, and abuse to rise to the top. Evelyn is lucky to find everlasting friendships and a great love that left me smiling and sobbing at the same time. The Vanishing Half is a thought-provoking story about identity and acceptance, and while the book is set in the ‘50s to the ‘90s, the issues are very much relevant today. Dark Matter is a thrilling sci-fi story that explores the identity of “self” in relation to choices people make and the idea of living the consequences of the path not taken. It even made me interested in quantum physics. A Woman Is No Man is incredibly inspiring because of the bravery, love, and striving to protect their children the Muslim women at its center display.
““One thing that has become a ‘tradition’ is my holiday suitcase. We don’t do holiday gifts as a family. Instead, I buy things for my parents throughout the year — like clothes, shoes, snacks, and other random objects. They do the same for me. So, most years, when I go home for the holidays, I have half of a giant suitcase full of random, fun gifts for my parents. The ‘unboxing’ of my suitcase has become one of the most exciting events we do as a family, more so than celebrations of the actual holidays.” ”
on her relationship with her mom
My mom is definitely not a regular mom; she is a cool mom (not in the Amy Pohler in Mean Girls way, but you get it). She is very fun, passionate, curious, and young at heart. It's funny because she was a strict parent when I was growing up, but now that I'm an adult, she is more of a trusted, cool friend.
I think, generally, my mom is more artistic and passionate, and I am more analytical and composed. We balance each other out. She teaches me to appreciate the finer things in life and to find beauty in everything, including nature, art, architecture, food, or just in mundane everyday objects. She recently got me into bird watching as well, which has been a fun weekend activity for us together. I provide a calming presence and help her rationalize her feelings and let go of anxiety. Mostly, I sincerely appreciate that she tries her hardest to understand my perspective and develop an interest in things I am interested in.
on her beauty routines
I went through a phase of reading literally all the ingredients of beauty products to avoid harmful ingredients. It was exhausting, and I came to realize that basically nothing is completely "safe." While not all of my products are EWG certified or anything like that, this exercise made me more aware of what's in the beauty products I use, and I generally prefer clean/green products if available. A few of my favorite products include: Drunk Elephant Vitamin-C Day Serum, Thayers Rose Petal Toner, Kiehl's Dark Spot Corrective Serum, Josie Maran Argan Oil Foundation, and Moroccanoil Hydrating Mask. And my favorite fragrance is Goutal Ce Soir Ou Jamais.
connie’s favorite spots in New York
Coffee shops: Blue Bottle — I am obsessed with their New Orleans Iced Coffee! And Joe Coffee Company for Cappuccinos.
Restaurants: Ugh, so many — Sushi of Gari, Chama Mama, Loulou, Mercer Kitchen, Emily West Village (best burger ever, don’t @ me), Fish Cheeks, Sugar Fish, Momoya Chelsea, Panca, and Scarpetta. When I’m feeling fancy: Aquavit, Chef’s Table at Brooklyn Fare, Nobu, and Takeda.
Cocktail bars: The Thyme Bar, Patent Pending, and Attaboy.
Hair salons: I go to Fox and Jane in Brooklyn for color (shoutout to Nicole) and Chris Chase Salon for cuts (shoutout to Yoonski).
Museum: I love the Whitney! While I’m not a connoisseur of contemporary art, they do a great job curating and articulating the meaning and commentary behind the artwork, which is always fascinating.
Stores: Intermix, L’Appartement Sézane, and the shoe floors at Bergdorf Goodman and Saks.
Exercise: Rumble Boxing, Pilates (which I do via Zoom since my studio closed), and in the summer I go sailing on the Hudson.
images by clémence polès, interview by marina sulmona